I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
