My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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