he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
