Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
