Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
