Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize