there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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