Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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