New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
