And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize