I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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