My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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