Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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