If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
