Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize