hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
thus making me awesome and them whores
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
