Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
