I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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