I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
