so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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