I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
