there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
