Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
