pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
