So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
These tits shall not be calmed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
