how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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