It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize