he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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