i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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