Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
