i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
