So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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