omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
