Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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