she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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