On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
