you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
