No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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