Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
