forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
