i was born a porn star she said
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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