so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
