Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's get the cat blown out
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
