Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
