sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
