I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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