Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
