I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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