She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
True college students do jello shots in the library
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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