Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
nutella sex= disaster
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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