the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
