first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
