theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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