he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
