you would pick up someone in the library
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Life is so much better after having sex.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
