his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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