your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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