I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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