More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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