I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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