this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
