Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
