You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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