Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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