I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
