I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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