News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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