You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
