I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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